Parenting with Grace: Why We Need More Empathy—and Less Perfect Advice

The other day, I came across a parenting article in the Toronto Star—my hometown paper—about the hidden dangers of saying “good job” to your kids. According to experts, it’s too vague, too focused on outcomes instead of effort, and might even make children feel they have to earn our approval.

Naturally, my first thought was: Well then I’ve failed! When my kids were little, “good job” practically became a catchphrase in our house.

A few days later, I stumbled upon a blog post listing “100 Things Every 18-Year-Old Should Know”—from spelling and dog-walking to changing a tire and filing taxes. Once again: failure! My kids are lovely humans, but none of them could fix a flat if their lives depended on it, and let’s just say they’ve leaned heavily on Spell Check.

As a media and parenting consultant, I probably shouldn’t say this—but I think there’s too much parenting advice out there.

Every week, there’s a new book or article promising the “right” way to raise your kids. And when it comes to parenting in the digital age? The guidance is relentless. Parents are constantly asking: When should I give my child a phone? How much screen time is too much? The truth is, there are no universally “correct” answers.

Parenting is inherently uncertain. Every child is different. And just when you think you’ve figured yours out—they change. Of course we want guidance. But the sheer volume of advice, often contradictory and constantly evolving, can leave us feeling more overwhelmed than empowered. What was considered best practice a generation ago is now often deemed harmful. Even from the early 2000s, when my kids were young, the standards have shifted.

And let’s not forget: even if a strategy works for one kid, it may totally flop with another.

That’s why my advice—especially around raising kids in a digital world—is less about hard rules and more about guiding principles. And the most important principle of all? Lead with empathy and grace.

Start with self-compassion. You won’t always get it right. You’ll lose your patience, say something you regret, or forget to teach your kid how to change a tire (guilty). But what matters more than perfection is how you respond. Psychologists call this “rupture and repair”: recognizing when something goes wrong, making amends, and rebuilding connection.​ Read more here.​

When we model grace—for ourselves and our kids—we teach them that mistakes aren’t failures, they’re part of being human. And that’s a far more powerful lesson than any checklist.

So if parenting feels messy, complicated, exhausting, beautiful, heart-wrenching, and deeply rewarding—my professional opinion is: you’re doing it right.

Subscribe ​here​ to get future issues of Media Minded delivered straight to your inbox. 💬 Have a parenting story or lesson you’d like to share? We’d love to hear from you—just hit reply or reach out via our contact page.

You’re not alone in this. And you’re doing better than you think.

In it with you,

Sara

Alone Together: Navigating Teen Mental Health in an Isolated World

Paradoxically, while smartphones keep us constantly connected, they can also contribute to profound feelings of social isolation. Many teenagers spend hours interacting with others through screens, but often at the expense of face-to-face interactions. While online communication can be convenient, it frequently lacks the emotional depth and connection provided by in-person conversations.

The decline in meaningful, real-world social interactions can lead to a sense of loneliness and disconnection. This phenomenon is exacerbated by the "fear of missing out" (FOMO), where individuals feel excluded from activities they see others enjoying online. Despite having hundreds of "friends" on social media, many teens report feeling isolated and unsupported in their personal lives.

What can you do?

To combat isolation caused by excessive cell phone use, work with your teen to collaborate on solutions. These can include:

• Setting screen time limits by helping them schedule "device-free" periods throughout the day. You’ll be surprised that when asked and involved in the process, they will want to set limits too and be successful at it. 

• You can also help by designating phone-free zones at home, like at the dinner table or in public spaces. 

• Help your child find real-world hobbies and social activities such as sports, music, art, reading, volunteering, or joining clubs. 

• Modeling face-to-face interactions with friends and family is also important since they pay attention to how you behave. 

• Lastly, talk openly with your kids about phone usage and listen openly to your teen’s experience and the struggles  he/she/they face. If necessary, seek support from a counselor or therapist to manage digital addiction or try doing a family digital detox.

The correlation between smartphone usage and rising rates of depression is a complicated issue influenced by many factors. As a parent, trying to stay on top of your teen's technology use can often feel overwhelming, especially when many of us are struggling with it ourselves. But know you're not alone and that there are resources available to you online and through my newsletters. The first steps are awareness and education. And if you're reading this, you've already taken them.

In it with you,

Sara

Technology and Teen Mental Health: Unpacking the Rise in Depression

In recent years, the widespread adoption of smartphones has revolutionized how we communicate, access information, and entertain ourselves. However, this digital transformation has not come without its drawbacks. Recent research has highlighted a concerning correlation between the advent of smartphones and a sharp increase in depression, particularly among teenagers. This trend can be attributed to several key factors, one of them being social media pressure.

Social Media Pressure

One of the most significant contributors to this mental health crisis is the pervasive influence of social media. Platforms like Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat present users with a constant stream of curated, idealized images and lifestyles. These portrayals often highlight the best moments of people's lives, creating unrealistic standards of beauty, success, and happiness. For teenagers, who are in the critical stages of developing their identities, this can lead to detrimental effects on self-esteem and mental well-being.

The pressure to maintain an appealing online persona, gain likes, and fit into ever-changing trends can be overwhelming. This relentless comparison to seemingly perfect lives fosters feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and depression. Unlike previous generations, today's youth are not just comparing themselves to their immediate peers but to an endless array of influencers and celebrities who often portray unattainable standards.

What can you do? 

• Talk to your teen about what she is watching and how it makes her feel. 

• Try to listen without judgment and encourage your child to share his own ideas of what is problematic about these images. 

• Help her make a list of all the things she value about herself and her own life and remind her that social media is an unrealistic, idealized snapshot of people’s lives and that nobody’s life is perfect. 

• Remind him that these apps are designed to manipulate him and make him keep scrolling so it’s not his fault that he struggles with feeling addicted to his phone.

• Encourage your child to get involved in an activity that makes her feel good. A hobby or activity that both distracts her and takes her away from her device, allows her to build mastery at something, and possibly connects her to other people in the real world are also helpful ways of countering the feelings of inadequacy that come from social media.

In it with you,

Sara

The Main Issues Affecting Teens & Tech

Growing up with technology presents a unique set of challenges for teenagers these days, affecting various aspects of their development, relationships, and physical and mental well-being. I have summarized the main issues affecting teens into the following categories:

1. Mental Health Struggles

Recent research has shown how the advent of smartphones has correlated with a sharp increase in depression. This has been attributed to a number of things, including the social pressure of unrealistic images on social media, online bullying, and the amount of time teens are spending alone.  

- Social Media Pressure: Constant exposure to curated, idealized versions of others' lives can lead to issues like low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. The pressure to maintain an online persona or fit in with certain trends can be overwhelming. 

- Cyberbullying: With more communication happening online, cyberbullying has become a significant issue. It can be harder to escape from online harassment since its present 24/7.

- Social Isolation: Despite being constantly connected, many teenagers feel socially isolated. Online interactions often lack the depth and quality of face-to-face conversations, leading to feelings of loneliness and disconnection. 

2.  Addiction and Overuse

Many teenagers struggle with screen addiction, spending excessive time on social media, gaming, or browsing the internet. Fear of missing out, known as FOMO, can drive a lot of this addictive behavior. This overuse can interfere with physical activity, sleep and even academic performance, contributing to issues like poor focus and procrastination. Too much time online can also impact the way teenagers interact with others in person. 

- Decreased Physical Activity: Increased screen time is often associated with a sedentary lifestyle. Teenagers may be spending more time indoors, leading to a lack of physical exercise, which can impact both their physical health and emotional well-being.

- Sleep Disruption: The blue light emitted by screens can interfere with sleep patterns, leading to poor sleep quality and insufficient rest. This can impact mood, focus, and overall health.

- Impact on Academic Focus: The constant distractions from notifications, social media, or gaming can affect academic performance. Teenagers often find it difficult to focus on studying or doing homework due to the lure of their devices.

- Changes in Communication Skills: With more communication happening through texts and social media, face-to-face communication skills can suffer. Teenagers may struggle with empathy, reading social cues, or expressing themselves in person.

3. Increased Exposure to Misinformation 

The ease of accessing information online means that teenagers are often exposed to misinformation. It can be difficult for them to differentiate between trustworthy sources and unreliable ones. Understanding the difference between what is true and what is not is becoming more and more difficult with the advent and spread of Artificial Intelligence (AI) and the elimination of fact-checking on Meta platforms (Facebook and Instagram) and on X (formerly Twitter). 

4. Increased Risk of Exposure to Harmful Content

Teens can be easily exposed to harmful content online, including pornography and violent material. The internet is vast and often unfiltered, which means that even if they aren't actively searching for such content, they can stumble across it through social media platforms, gaming sites, or even just browsing. Kids who are curious about sexual content have a very low barrier to entry onto some extremely adult websites and may find themselves exposed to more than they are ready for.

5. Privacy and Security Concerns 

Teenagers may not fully grasp the implications of sharing personal information online. They are at risk of having their data exploited or falling victim to scams, online predators, or identity theft. 

6. Digital Footprint

Teens may also not realize the long-term implications of their online actions. Posts, photos, or videos shared in the moment can have lasting consequences for their future, including college admissions, job opportunities, and personal reputation.

These challenges highlight the need for a balance between embracing technology's benefits and addressing its drawbacks. Teens require guidance from parents, educators, and mental health professionals to navigate this digital world in a healthy, mindful way.

In it with you,

Sara

4 Easy Tips for Cutting Back Smartphone Use

We all could use some mindfulness around cell phone usage and, as parents it’s important that we set the tone in our homes and model a healthy relationship with technology for our kids.

While it might seem impossible given the way smartphones and tablets have infiltrated our jobs, leisure and personal life, there are some easy steps you can take.

 1. Set Boundaries and Limits:

• Screen Time Limits: Use your phone's built-in screen time tracking and set limits for specific apps or overall usage. 

• No-Phone Zones: Designate areas or activities where phone use is prohibited, like during meals, while driving, or before bed. 

• Scheduled Phone Time: Allocate specific times for phone use and stick to them, treating it like any other appointment. 

• Keep Phone Out of Reach: Place your phone in another room, a drawer, or a specific location when you're not using it. Although it may be hard at first, the old “out of sight out of mind” approach does help.

2. Manage Notifications and Apps:

• Turn Off Unnecessary Notifications: Disable notifications from apps that don't require immediate attention, or use Do Not Disturb mode. 

• Delete or Hide Apps: Remove apps you find yourself using mindlessly or move them to a folder off your home screen. 

• Use Greyscale Mode: Switch your phone to greyscale mode, which can reduce the visual appeal of notifications and make it easier to put your phone down. 

• Make Phone Harder to Unlock: Disable fingerprint or face recognition and use a longer passcode to make unlocking your phone a more deliberate action. 

3. Find Alternatives:

• Engage in Other Activities: Replace phone time with hobbies, reading, exercise, spending time with loved ones, or other activities that you enjoy. 

• Practice Mindfulness: Try to be present in the moment and avoid the urge to constantly check your phone. 

• Seek Assistance: If you're struggling to reduce phone usage, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor. 

4. Track Your Progress:

• Monitor Screen Time: Use your phone's screen time tracking features to see how much time you're spending on your phone and identify areas where you can make changes.

• Set Goals and Celebrate Milestones: Set realistic goals for reducing phone usage and celebrate your successes. 

In it with you,

Sara

Smartphones, Social Media & Teens: What the Data Really Says

IWe often hear that smartphones and social media are ruining kids’ mental health. But a big new survey of 11- to 13-year-olds from the University of South Florida suggests that the truth is more complicated—and in some cases, surprising.

Smartphones Might Help More Than Hurt

Even though youth mental health is a serious issue, just taking away kids’ phones won’t fix it. In fact, kids who *do* have smartphones actually reported *better* well-being than those who don’t. That’s not because of money—kids in low-income homes were *more* likely to have a smartphone than those in wealthier homes.

Here’s what stood out:

- Kids with smartphones spent more time hanging out with friends *in real life*.

- They were *less* likely to say life feels meaningless (18% vs. 26%).

- They felt better about themselves (80% vs. 69%).

- They reported fewer anger issues and slightly less depression.

- Surprisingly, kids without smartphones were more likely to be cyberbullied.

- Having a phone for more years didn’t increase anxiety or depression.

Social Media: Not Always the Villain—But Posting Publicly Is Risky

Social media use by itself wasn’t strongly linked to worse mental health—but *frequent public posting* was. Kids who post a lot are more likely to feel anxious, depressed, and sleep-deprived. This is not because of the posting itself, but because of the negative feedback that followed, including cyberbullying and unfriending.

Many also admitted to lying about their age or posting false info online. Despite platform age rules (minimum age 13), most 11- and 12-year-olds already have accounts—often created by fudging their age. And in states like Florida, where under-14s are now banned from having accounts, most kids are still on social platforms anyway.

Sleep, Exercise & Phone Habits

One clear downside of smartphones: sleep. A quarter of kids sleep with their phone in bed, and those kids sleep less than recommended. Only kids who sleep with their phones in another room get enough rest.

But it’s not all bad news—kids who use social media a lot are actually *more* likely to exercise daily than lighter users.

Cyberbullying Is Everywhere—and Even Minor Incidents Matter

Over half of the kids surveyed had been cyberbullied recently, and even one hurtful comment online was linked to more anger, depression, and a sense that life feels meaningless. It doesn’t take much for online cruelty to do damage.

So What Should We Do?

1. Smartphones aren’t the enemy—they may even help. Taking them away could do more harm than good.

2. Be cautious about social media, especially letting kids post publicly. That’s where the trouble often starts.

3. Watch for any signs of cyberbullying, even small ones. They add up fast.

4. No phones in bed—or ideally, not even in the bedroom. Sleep matters.

This isn’t about panic or banning tech. It’s about finding smarter, more realistic ways to support kids as they grow up in a digital world. And as this ongoing study continues to follow young people over time, we’ll learn even more about how their digital lives shape their well-being.

In it with you,

Sara

Breaking the Silence: Teen Mental Health in the Age of Cyberbullying.

Another significant factor linked to the rise in depression is the prevalence of cyberbullying. Cyberbullying is defined as, using technology to harass, threaten, embarrass or target another person. As more communication shifts online, the opportunities for harassment have increased exponentially. Unlike traditional bullying, which might have been confined to school grounds, cyberbullying can occur at any time and follow individuals into the supposed safety of their homes. Online bullying can be harder to address because it might be unclear who the bully is and how many people are involved. 

Victims of cyberbullying often experience relentless abuse through social media, messaging apps, and other online platforms. The anonymity of the internet can embolden bullies, leading to more severe and persistent forms of harassment. This constant exposure can result in chronic stress, fear, and feelings of helplessness, significantly impacting mental health and increasing the risk of depression.

What can you do?

The most important thing for teens to do is to tell an adult. This can feel scary or embarrassing to a teenager and they may fear that their parents won’t believe them or will get involved in a way that threatens to make the situation worse. The most important thing to do as a parent is to listen without judgement. Ask your teen questions to determine what they know about the bully and if the bully is anonymous, you may need to consider involving the police. In most situations however, you should advise your teen to do the following:

• Block the person when possible. There are settings on all devices that allow you to stop the bully from communicating with you.

• Step away from the situation. Encourage your teen to not engage with the bully under any circumstances as this feeds the bully’s power. Creating some space will also allow your teen to think about how they want to handle the situation.

• Report the bully to a site administrator if the bullying is happening on a social media site.

• However, if the bully is a friend, encourage your teen to try to talk to them. Standing up to a bully is not something the bully will like. Tell your teen to be direct, keep it short and stick with how the bully’s behavior makes your child feel instead of blaming the bully. If they start to attack you, tell your teen to walk away.

In it with you,

Sara

Why I started Media Minded

I remember being a first time parent and bringing my baby home from the hospital. I was terrified! How could any medical professional possibly think I was qualified to take care of this tiny being, this vulnerable life that depended on me so completely? It was utterly overwhelming. Between the challenges of learning how to care for a baby, beign sleep deprived and hormonal, it's a wonder any baby survives! And yet, one day at a time, like every other parent, I got to know my new baby and her needs, as well as my own needs and limits and slowly but surely, I felt competent and capable of taking care of my child. Inevitably, as she grew, her needs and behavior would change and I'd struggle all over again to figure out how best to parent. But once more, with time, trial and error, the support of other parents and professionals, I would muddle through. This experience it turns out is the perfect analogy for raising kids in the digital age.

Understanding how to raise children in a world where technology is a constant presence is a brand-new challenge. Previous generations never had to deal with anything as widespread, influential, or rapidly evolving as the internet. Knowing how to parent kids in today's world can feel utterly overwhelming in the same way as bringing home a new baby. However, the good news is, you are not alone. I founded Media Minded because I understand on a personal level what it's like to struggle with navigating parenting and technology. I have three daughters, aged 23, 20, and 17, and all three have had very different experiences and challenges with technology. I also have a background working in the media and have a Master’s in Media Studies, so I come at the issue from an informed and experienced place. I am currently in the middle of a second Master’s in Media Psychology to update my knowledge and ensure I am as qualified as possible to best help you on your journey.

By providing regular blog posts, newsletters, a podcast and live talks, I will share my knowledge of the media and technology, along with tips on how to navigate it as a parent of tweens and teens. I hope I can become your trusted source of information and support on your journey to protect your child in the digital age.

In it with you,

Sara