Parenting with Grace: Why We Need More Empathy—and Less Perfect Advice
The other day, I came across a parenting article in the Toronto Star—my hometown paper—about the hidden dangers of saying “good job” to your kids. According to experts, it’s too vague, too focused on outcomes instead of effort, and might even make children feel they have to earn our approval.
Naturally, my first thought was: Well then I’ve failed! When my kids were little, “good job” practically became a catchphrase in our house.
A few days later, I stumbled upon a blog post listing “100 Things Every 18-Year-Old Should Know”—from spelling and dog-walking to changing a tire and filing taxes. Once again: failure! My kids are lovely humans, but none of them could fix a flat if their lives depended on it, and let’s just say they’ve leaned heavily on Spell Check.
As a media and parenting consultant, I probably shouldn’t say this—but I think there’s too much parenting advice out there.
Every week, there’s a new book or article promising the “right” way to raise your kids. And when it comes to parenting in the digital age? The guidance is relentless. Parents are constantly asking: When should I give my child a phone? How much screen time is too much? The truth is, there are no universally “correct” answers.
Parenting is inherently uncertain. Every child is different. And just when you think you’ve figured yours out—they change. Of course we want guidance. But the sheer volume of advice, often contradictory and constantly evolving, can leave us feeling more overwhelmed than empowered. What was considered best practice a generation ago is now often deemed harmful. Even from the early 2000s, when my kids were young, the standards have shifted.
And let’s not forget: even if a strategy works for one kid, it may totally flop with another.
That’s why my advice—especially around raising kids in a digital world—is less about hard rules and more about guiding principles. And the most important principle of all? Lead with empathy and grace.
Start with self-compassion. You won’t always get it right. You’ll lose your patience, say something you regret, or forget to teach your kid how to change a tire (guilty). But what matters more than perfection is how you respond. Psychologists call this “rupture and repair”: recognizing when something goes wrong, making amends, and rebuilding connection. Read more here.
When we model grace—for ourselves and our kids—we teach them that mistakes aren’t failures, they’re part of being human. And that’s a far more powerful lesson than any checklist.
So if parenting feels messy, complicated, exhausting, beautiful, heart-wrenching, and deeply rewarding—my professional opinion is: you’re doing it right.
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You’re not alone in this. And you’re doing better than you think.
In it with you,
Sara
